That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
