We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i think my cat just said my name.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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