Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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