Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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