Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
