i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
