I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
