I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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