I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
