she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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