so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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