i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
