I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
