Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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