Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
