so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
