Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize