So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
