I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
