Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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