ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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