dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
