There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Enjoy the penises
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
