I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
