shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
