if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
