I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
