Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
