Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize