this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
