i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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