If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
