I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will pee on everything he values.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
