Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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