I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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