Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
