sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
