I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
