i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
