the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
