What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
