When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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