I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
