You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
one two three fourrrrnication!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
3pm strippers are depressing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
