OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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