Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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