arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
