idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
