omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
