Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
