i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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