i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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