also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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