my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
