would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
