I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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