I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
