he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
