Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
