just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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