just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
