went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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