i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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