Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
