glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
