sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize