Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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