Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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