This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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