I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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