By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
