Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A+ Viking dick
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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