And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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