She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
