I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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