At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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