My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
