My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
