I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
