under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
