The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
