I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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