sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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