After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
