I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
