dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
