So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
